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March 28, 2010

What to teach your kids about love, sex, adultery, and how to have a strong and enduring marriage
Proverbs 5

Scripture readings: Proverbs 2:16-19; 5; 6:20-35; 7

Last week we began a series in the book of Proverbs.

-Proverbs is all about wise living.
-The key to being a wise person begins with a person getting right with God on His terms. As Proverbs 1:7 says "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge/wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and discipline."

Today, from the book of Proverbs I want to talk to you about a subject that dominates Proverbs 1-9. The subject: adultery and sexual purity (being found in 4 of the first 9 chapters)

-Based on statistics from 2006, around 1/3 of marriages are affected by adultery.
-For those who end a marriage to marry their "lover" about 75% of those new marriages end in divorce (no surprise really)
-surprise, surprise; those who commit adultery risk their health, wealth, and reputations. Just ask Adam Giambrone and Tiger Woods what adultery has done for them.

As ugly a word as adultery is, it's a word and subject that parents need to bring up with their children.

The Bible's charge to every parent is that they train up their children in fear and way of the LORD, teaching them the way they should go.

To teach our children about love, sex, healthy relationships, and what makes for a good marriage- is therefore a parents job. (not the schools, not a social worker, not a public nurse)

Today, with Proverbs 5 as our base, I want to share with you what it is a parent is to teach their children about love, sex, adultery, and how to have a strong and enduring marriage.

READ PROVERBS 5 -keeping in mind that Solomon is having a sit down lesson with his son

What to teach your kids about love, sex, adultery, and how to have a strong and enduring marriage

1. Start teaching them early

Don't wait until your kids are leaving home to start talking to them about love, sex, the dangers marriages face, how to have healthy relationships, and marriage

Note the phrase "my son" 5:1; 6:20; 7:1

While taking care to use age appropriate language, it is a parents job to teach their children about love, sex, and marriage.

Also note: You need to review with your child regularly what they are learning at school- for one of the mandates of the board of education, from a Christian perspective, is to corrupt your child as it regards healthy relationships, marriage, and sex.

2. Warn them about smooth talkers of the opposite sex

We always need to be on our guard against people who will say anything to get what they want. This is particularly true as it regards sex.

In Proverbs 2:16; 5:3; 6:24; 7:5,21 Solomon warns his son as it regards looking out for women with seductive and smooth speech.

Note: If it was a daughter on his knee, he would have warned her about the lies men use to get women into bed with them.

3. Teach them to give careful thought to where their feet and eyes take them

Read Proverbs 7:6-9 and remember the children's song "O be careful little feet, hands, eyes...."

4. Teach them that marital unfaithfulness will rob them of their health, wealth, and reputation and ultimately lead to regret 5:8-11

Virgins don't get sexually transmitted diseases

When a man and woman save sex for marriage, they don't contract sexually transmitted diseases.

Adulterers get sexually transmitted diseases. Unmarried's who have sex with multiple people get sexually transmitted diseases

When a person commits adultery and a divorce happens, wealth is destroyed. While marriage builds wealth, divorce destroys it and impoverishes people

5. Teach them that marriage involves a covenant entered into before God. Proverbs 2:16-19

-God is the chief witness at every wedding.
-Since marriage is God's invention, ones vows are always before Him and He holds people to the promises that they make to each other (whether they mean them or not)
-therefore marriage must be protected and guarded

6. Teach them that marriage is an exclusive and lifelong bond between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:21-25

Marriage is not a 5 year commitment.

To maintain marriage as an exclusive life long bond, marrieds need to be very careful about their Facebook, yearbook, and myspace relationships. In short, it is very unwise for married people to have friendships/close bonds with members of the opposite sex.

ASIDE: This week in the news it was noted that Syphilis (a sexually transmitted disease) is on the rise, in part due to people meeting on Facebook

I also read an article in Thursdays paper entitled "Beware innocent networking". In this article it was noted that "Adultery often takes root in seemingly innocent situations over a period of time." There are a series of boundaries that are broken on the way to having an affair. A gaze that lingers a second or two too long across a room. A handshake that is a little too inviting. An improper exchange of contact information for 'networking' purposes. A conversation that was just a little too flirtatious. A conversation that you can't seem to stop thinking about. Once these boundary lines are laid low, it becomes that much easier to cross the ultimate line of infidelity."

7. Teach them in an age appropriate way about the joys of married sex. Proverbs 5:15-20

The woman folly, as depicted in Proverbs 9:17 says "Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!"

The world says; "Sex outside of marriage, sex with whoever, whenever, sex aided by pornography, that's the best sex." This is a lie. Premarital and extramarital sex lead to heartbreak, disease, depression, poverty, and poor reputation. Note what Proverbs 9:18 says.

Sex God's way is the best sex.

When a dating couple save sex until marriage, they save for themselves a blessing a lifetime of knowing the joys of sex as God planned it-- remembering, as our text reminds us that sex is not just for making babies but for pleasure and intimacy as well.

A note to those who might have dropped the ball and already had sex outside of marriage: Confess it, repent of it, resolve to save any further sexual activity for marriage. Keep yourself pure.

8. Remind them that God is always watching us. Proverbs 5:21

God watches and rewards or punishes/disciplines accordingly.

To have a proper fear of the LORD, that we might do what is right in our lives, we should always remember that we live our lives before God

9. Teach them about the enduring value and beauty of godly character

For our children to enjoy good, pure, wholesome, satisfying marriages, we have to teach them about working on their character.

In Proverbs 21:9-10 it says "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

For a marriage to work and last, godly character is needed. For a marriage to survive the various storms of life, godly character is needed. For a marriage to survive sexual temptations that threaten from without, godly character is needed.


It is a must that we as parents teach our children about love, sex, adultery, and how to have a lasting and enduring marriage.

It's a must that we teach these things because our children's minds are like sponges and they will soak up the evil teachings of our culture, our education system, and the media, if we don't teach them otherwise-- not to mention the fact that they have their own sinful natures that mess things up.

Marriage is a beautiful thing that God made to last until death parts the couple.

Hebrews 13;4 tells us that "The marriage bed must be kept pure." Adultery is forbidden. Sex is for marriage alone.

As Christians we need to set good examples to each other and our culture as it regards love, sex, and marriage.

Let us pray